sarahcross

When it comes to quality entertainment, very little compares to a crappy looking animal puppet who lusts for human blood.

Thus I bring you my "Top 3 Murderous Animal Puppets Of All Time."

1. The Vulture in Conan the Barbarian

You have Conan, nailed to the Tree of Woe, starving and bleeding and half-dead. A hungry vulture lands on Conan's shoulder and starts pecking at the blood on his chest, presumably as an appetizer before he devours Conan's corpse. Will this be the end of Conan?

No. That is not how Conan rolls. Conan wakes up, takes stock of the situation ...

... and rips out the vulture's throat. WITH HIS TEETH. This moment is made even better by the fact that the vulture is a sh*tty looking puppet.





So the vulture ultimately loses. But his awesome is elevated by the brutal way he goes out. Bonus: It's followed by this insanity:



2. The Raccoon in Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle

This raccoon is a ninja. He sneaks into the car, hangs out in the back seat for while, and then, out of nowhere, flings himself at Harold and goes for the throat. His bloodlust is matched by his demented stuffed animal appearance.



3. The Rabbit in Monty Python and the Holy Grail

This bunny looks cute from a distance--but when he flies through the air and starts shredding jugulars, the knights learn not to underestimate him. This cuddly white rabbit racks up a higher body count than Liam Neeson does in Taken. I'd like to see him take on some "vegetarian" vampires.



What about you? Any favorite murderous animal puppets? I don't actually expect anyone to answer that. Unless I have an evil twin lurking out there ...

*checks pulse*

Huh, what do you know, I am alive?

*blows dust off LJ*

Once you take a break from blogging, it can be hard to get back into it. You end up waiting until you have something EPIC to post about. And how often does that come along?

Fortunately I stumbled across the catchiest video game music vid since The Guild's "Do You Wanna Date My Avatar?" ... and felt compelled to share it with you.

What if the Legend of Zelda theme had lyrics? And was sung by a fake old man (complete with a fake beard that blows in the wind) in a quasi rock opera style?* Very few things are more epic than that.

Note: If you are old enough to have played the original Legend of Zelda, you probably don't need this warning, but there is some strong language in this video. Don't play it in front of your parents, unless they are fine with the MF word and/or are too technologically inept to email me. Also, near the end, there is a still photo of two giraffes about to get it on. Excelsior.



I could do without the "hey Link, you just might get laid" message, but that's because I prefer the "Excuuuuuse me, princess" version of the Link/Zelda relationship. (Wow, how annoying was that clip?)

And! If you liked Zelda with Lyrics, you MUST WATCH Brentalfloss's Megaman 3 with lyrics.** It is awesome. It includes such fine & insightful commentary as:

As for robot help
Dogs are much preferred
'Cause I can't do sh*t
With a robot bird

Rock on, Megaman. ♥

*When I was a kid I bought a sort-of-realistic bearded-old-man Halloween mask, for use in videos in the pre-YouTube age. It was one of my most prized possessions. (No, rly.) So this kind of ridiculousness speaks to my soul.
**Same language warning applies.

5 YA authors named Sarah will be reading, handing out chocolate, & signing books this Sunday, August 2nd, from 1-3pm at Books of Wonder in NYC!

Stop by to meet:

Sarah Rees Brennan, The Demon's Lexicon
Sarah Beth Durst, Into the Wild
Sarah MacLean, The Season
Sarah Ockler, Twenty Boy Summer
and me ... Sarah Cross, Dull Boy



Click for more details

If you were beginning to believe I was an imaginary creature (what with all the non-blogging & disappearing), here is your chance to prove that theory wrong, get a book signed, and meet 8 other illustrious YA/MG writers.

I'll have shiny Dull Boy bookmarks on hand. They're one hundred times more attractive & durable than that coffee-stained receipt you've been using. Reason enough to stop by? I think so.



Participating Authors:

Lauren Barnholdt, author of Two-Way Street, The Secret Identity of Devon Delaney, Four Truths and Lie, and others
Sarah Cross, author of Dull Boy
Erin Dionne, author of Models Don't Eat Chocolate Cookies
Heather Duffy-Stone, author of This is What I Want to Tell you
Mandy Hubbard, author of Prada and Prejudice
Julie Linker, author of Crowned, Disenchanted Princess
Sarah MacLean, author of The Season
Mari Mancusi, author of Boys that Bite, Girls that Growl, Stake That!, Gamer Girl and others
Michelle Zink, author of Prophecy of the Sisters

Thanks to mandywriter for the promo code. :)

Hope to see you there!

I should have put up a Mineshaft Warning a while ago. I have descended into the hermit cave of doom because all I am doing is writing, and watching occasional action movies while Tolstoy and J.D. grumble about Seagal's ill-fitting jacket. I will return with some actual content later this month. And if you wrote me a lovely email about Dull Boy and haven't heard back yet, trust that I am treasuring it and will indeed reply once I escape from this pesky mine shaft.

Speaking of escape ...

I come not only with excuses, but with prizes! Win seven spectacular YA books in the Escape with the 7 giveaway!



Go to: http://www.escapewith7.com/freebooks.html and tell us which set you want to win: books with US covers, or UK covers (where available). The UK covers are on the bottom half of the graphic, in case you weren't sure.

The books in each prize pack are: Shadowed Summer by Saundra Mitchell, The Season by Sarah MacLean, The Forest of Hands and Teeth by Carrie Ryan, Faery Rebels: Spell Hunter (Knife in the UK) by R.J. Anderson, Wings by Aprilynne Pike, Dull Boy by Sarah Cross, and The Demon's Lexicon by Sarah Rees Brennan.

Contest is open from July 1st, 2009 - July 7, 2009. Prizes will be awarded July 8th, 2009. Go enter!

Please welcome debut author Sarah Ockler!



( Learn more about Twenty Boy Summer! )

Craving more Sarah? Visit her @ http://www.sarahockler.com

Money burning a hole in your pocket? Buy Twenty Boy Summer at IndieBound!

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Now it’s Build-a-Superhero time! Because building bears is lame. (No offense, bears … but you are all on notice; this should not surprise you.)

What would your superpower be?
Teleportation.

What color would your tights be?
Purple with silver stripes. Vertical stripes.

What would your Kryptonite (aka weakness) be?
Orange chocolate.

Animal sidekick?
A 3-legged pig.

Advice to young superheroes:
Always eat a good breakfast before going out to fight crime and have adventures. Do NOT under any circumstances eat your animal sidekick.


Thanks for stopping by, Sarah!

While visiting the Metropolitan Museum of Art recently, I came upon what is quite possibly the most badass wolf ever, in "Wolf and Fox Hunt" by Peter Paul Rubens and Workshop, circa 1615-21. I stood and stared at it, awestruck by the wolf's audacity and pwnage.

You won't get the full effect from a jpeg; the actual painting is enormous. So pretend that this wolf is towering over you--and is 1000 times more awesome than this screen can convey.



THIS WOLF IS MY HERO! Don't even try to hunt him; he will bite your spear, and he will do so like a boss!

Read more about the painting here.

Oh, and in case you weren't sure which wolf was the awesome one, I have subtly highlighted him:



Thanks, Photobucket. Your gratuitous glitter text makes everything more eloquent. Don't stare at that pic too long, tho. It appears to be pulsating ... O.o

Please welcome debut author Mandy Hubbard!



( Learn more about Prada and Prejudice! )

Craving more Mandy? Visit her @ http://mandyhubbard.com

Money burning a hole in your pocket? Buy Prada and Prejudice at Amazon!

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Now it’s Build-a-Superhero time! Because building bears is lame. (No offense, bears … but you are all on notice; this should not surprise you.)

What would your superpower be?
Flawless skin and perfect hair. What? Beauty is totally a weapon. Just ask the Bond girls.

What color would your tights be?
Black? Black is slimming.

What would your Kryptonite (aka weakness) be?
Bond, of course. Bond always gets the girls to admit to their evil doings in time to save the world.

Animal sidekick?
Um, a horse? Seriously, animal sidekicks are so 1990.

Advice to young superheroes:
Good luck on your world domination. Just don't get grounded, because that really puts a damper on your plans to take over the world.

Thanks for stopping by, Mandy!


You guys! I have been full of blog tour fail lately! Yeah, maybe you noticed? ^^; I still owe you tour posts for these fantastic books! -->



They are on their way, I promise!! In the meantime, click the covers to find out more about them! ♥

Please welcome debut author Danielle Joseph!



( Learn more about Shrinking Violet! )

Craving more Danielle? Visit her @ http://daniellejoseph.com/

Money burning a hole in your pocket? Buy Shrinking Violet at B&N!

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Now it’s Build-a-Superhero time! Because building bears is lame. (No offense, bears … but you are all on notice; this should not surprise you.)

What would your superpower be?
I'd love to be able to fly and zap bad guys!

What color would your tights be?
Purple.

What would your Kryptonite (aka weakness) be?
Chocolate.

Animal sidekick?
Snoopy.

Advice to young superheroes:
Be yourself and don't succumb to peer superhero pressure!


Thanks for stopping by, Danielle!

This is odd ... but strangely compelling & hypnotic. "Alice" is a song by an artist named Pogo. In his words, it's "an electronic piece of which 90% is composed using sounds recorded from the Disney film 'Alice In Wonderland'."

Interesting, right? Take a look:

It's hard to find a good badass these days. Zac Efron, Ed Westwick, and that dude who plays Captain Kirk in the new Star Trek movie all serve a purpose, but sometimes you're looking for a hero who kicks ass & takes names, shoots first and asks questions later, and loves his arsenal more than his hair gel.

Let me introduce you to a few of my favorites:


EXHIBIT A: Jason Statham, who can deal more damage with a fire hose than most ninjas could manage with a pair of spiked nunchakus. Observe:


Next up:


EXHIBIT B: Batman, aka Bruce Wayne, aka not afraid to choke a b*tch. Or a Joker. Or whoever. He'll knock you out with a Die Hard battery, punch a dog if he has to, and open a can of whoop ass on an 80 year old man--all in the name of justice.

Last but not least (and the real purpose of this post):


EXHIBIT C: Nick Ryves from Sarah Rees Brennan's THE DEMON'S LEXICON! Nick slays demons and evil magicians, fixes the sink when it breaks, looks out for his brother, and is just the right blend of ill-tempered and hot. ;)

Here's a description:

Nick and his brother, Alan, have spent their lives on the run from magic. Their father was murdered, and their mother was driven mad by magicians and the demons who give them power. The magicians are hunting the Ryves family for a charm that Nick's mother stole -- a charm that keeps her alive -- and they want it badly enough to kill again.

Danger draws even closer when a brother and sister come to the Ryves family for help. The boy wears a demon's mark, a sign of death that almost nothing can erase...and when Alan also gets marked by a demon, Nick is desperate to save him. The only way to do that is to kill one of the magicians they have been hiding from for so long.

Ensnared in a deadly game of cat and mouse, Nick starts to suspect that his brother is telling him lie after lie about their past. As the magicians' Circle closes in on their family, Nick uncovers the secret that could destroy them all.

I got to read an advance copy, and I've been counting down the days till you guys could read it too. THE DEMON'S LEXICON is funny, sexy, mysterious, and filled with amazing characters you won't forget. Sarah Rees Brennan (sarahtales) is a fabulous writer, and I bet that if you give DL a shot, she'll soon be on your list of favorite authors ever.

Bottom Line: Sell your underwear on ebay, peddle your plasma, or burgle your little sister's piggy bank, but buy this book! You won't regret it. It's 210% awesome, and it's AVAILABLE NOW!

HAPPY RELEASE DAY, SARAH REES BRENNAN!!! ♥ ♥ ♥

In case you forgot ...

I will be at the NYC Teen Author Carnival on Thursday, May 28 from 4-6pm, at the Jefferson Market Branch of the New York Public Library (425 Avenue of the Americas, at 10th St.)

I've been assigned to Team Caramel Apple, along with authors like rock goddess Libba Bray and romance maven Sarah MacLean. The other teams are Cotton Candy and Funnel Cake.

BRIBES! I will have mini Twix bars, Airhead pops, and shiny Dull Boy bookmarks for you. Also, there will be books for sale at the event, so if you've been wanting Dull Boy and haven't had a chance to get it, come to TAC, buy a copy, I will sign it for you with my abysmal scrawl, and even write a deceitful message of your choosing on the title page! Such as "thanks for saving me from that runaway freight train! I would have perished if not for your heroic assistance! xoxo, Sarah Cross"

NOTE: This may be your last chance to meet Maureen Johnson before she dies on the trapeze Friday.

RSVP if you can, at TeenAuthorCarnival@gmail.com. However, if spontaneity is more your thing, please come anyway! Just tell them you're in my entourage and you brought that bottle of water I requested.



If you can't attend, you can watch the event live on blog TV; head on over to the Teen Author Carnival site for more details.

Please welcome debut author C. Lee McKenzie!



( Learn more about Sliding on the Edge! )

Craving more C. Lee? Visit her @ http://www.cleemckenziebooks.com

Money burning a hole in your pocket? Buy Sliding on the Edge at Amazon!

FIRST, videogames. The third game in the series that started with ICO and continued with Shadow of the Colossus has a teaser trailer!!! It's early on in the process, so they're just calling it "Project TRICO" for now.


It's like if you replaced Agro (the horse from SotC) with a ginormous feathered chinchilla. Not sure how I feel about that, but I am willing to give it a chance, because these games have been nothing but groundbreaking & AMAZING so far.

More info @ KOTAKU.

Oh, ICO games, how I adore you ... I may be forced to buy a PS3. ;_;

NEXT! Diana Peterfreund has revealed my superhero costume to the interwebz. So if you ever saw a pink ninja, and asked yourself, "Could that be Sarah Cross?", you now have an answer.

Visit Diana's blog to enter to WIN a copy of DULL BOY, and show off your own superhero costume for an extra shot at the prize! Come on, I can't be the only person here with a secret identity; I know like, half of you are fighting crime when you aren't blogging. Suit up!

TAP & GOWN, the 4th book in Diana's Secret Society Girl series, just released! This book brings all the unicorns to the yard, so go get it! (What ... you thought Killer Unicorns would be reading RAMPANT? That is far too traumatic for them!!)

LASTLY, next week I'm going to be at an event you may or may not have heard about: TEEN AUTHOR CARNIVAL.

Will there be elephants? Cotton candy? A Ferris wheel? No ... but there will be authors, and free candy (if you say hi to me, that is; I will not pelt you with it), and books for sale, and giveaways!

You're supposed to RSVP if you'd like to attend. But if you want to drop by on THURSDAY, MAY 28, from 4-6PM, at the Jefferson Market Branch of the New York Public Library (425 Avenue of the Americas, at 10th St.) ... I say go for it. Tell them the rule-breaking Sarah Cross sent you, and will whip out the ninja stars if they turn you away.

Hope to see you there! :)

Please welcome debut author Leigh Brescia!



( Learn more about One Wish! )

Craving more Leigh? Visit her @ http://www.leighbrescia.com

Money burning a hole in your pocket? Buy One Wish at Amazon!

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Now it’s Build-a-Superhero time! Because building bears is lame. (No offense, bears … but you are all on notice; this should not surprise you.)

Leigh says: Okay, since I’ve never really imagined myself as a superhero . . . I enlisted my husband (i.e. the guy I’m sorta married to but not allowed to talk about online) for help. It was a test, really, to see what he’d come up with . . . and how well he knew me.

What would your superpower be?
He said I would “bore [my] antagonist with my meaningless banter.”

This is freakin’ hilarious . . . so I’ll stick with it. Although I would like to be able to “zap” things done. Like: “poof” I’m dressed. “Poof” my house is spotless. “Poof” my writing is done for the day, etc. But then, that’s not much fun. Clean houses are *so* overrated.

What color would your tights be?
He said black.

I say he is *absolutely* right, because black is my favorite clothing color. My closet is a sea of black.

What would your Kryptonite (aka weakness) be?
He said chocolate.

Again: spot on. Hand me a piece and I will instantly stop boring you with my “meaningless banter.” (Hmm, maybe that’s why he keeps throwing Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups my way. . . .)

Animal sidekick?
He said I would have a miniature dachshund . . . with a sweater.

*So* right! Only this doggie would be a superhero, too, and would never have any kind of health problems. (We recently had to put my miniature dachshund, Trixie, to sleep because of a back disorder.) Or . . . I could pull a Napoleon Dynamite and tame a wild honeymoon stallion. . . .

Advice to young superheroes:
He said my advice would be: “Read lots of books.”

Good advice, but I would tell them: Love yourself. Or . . . love yourself while reading lots of books. There. Perfect.



Thanks for stopping by, Leigh!

So I hear that many of you are having trouble finding DULL BOY in the chain bookstores (Borders and Barnes & Noble). This saddens me. In fact, it makes me utter "sadface" in a slow, robotic voice a la Master Chief in the fine video series "Arby & the Chief."


:( = sadface

BUT! All is not lost!

The book does exist. Check your local independent bookstore; you may have better luck there! Search for one @ IndieBound.

Or, if you are at Borders or B&N, ask them to order it for you. I know it sucks to do that if you're shy & hate talking to people, but you will earn my undying love & gratitude.

And of course, there is always Amazon.

Do not be thwarted!!!


Master Chief thanks you for your patronage.



You can also win a copy! Are you hilarious? Head over to Shooting Stars Mag and tell me what you think Wolverine said to warrant a KRAK!ing backfist to the face from Cyclops.

My fave response will win a signed copy of Dull Boy.

You have until May 31st to come up with something good. :D

I'll be reading tonight (and/or hiding under a table, and/or fainting) with these fine people:

May 13 -- Teen Author Reading Night
(6-7:30pm, Jefferson Market Branch of NYPL, 425 6th Ave, at 10th St.)

Nick Burd, The Vast Fields of Ordinary

Cecil Castellucci, Geektastic

Susane Colasanti, Waiting for You

Sarah Cross, Dull Boy

Jenny Han, The Summer I Turned Pretty

Emma McLaughlin and Nicola Kraus, The Real Real

Kieran Scott, Geek Magnet

If you get a chance to come out, there may be something in it for you. Something containing pear concentrate, and delicious pectin, and psychedelic fruity colors ...


Could it be this??

Don't make me depend on the kindness of strangers. Come by and say hello! :)

Come chat with me & 4 other author Sarahs (MacLean, Ockler, Quigley, Rees Brennan) at 9pm EST tonight!

Click here for the details!

Note that this is a chat for readers/bloggers, not for my mom. Mom, you have my phone # if you want to chat.

Ahem. Anyway ...

Hitting the New York Times Bestseller List is a distant dream ... but today I discovered I have hit a different list: the secret hit list of YA blogger and ne'er-do-well Sharon of "Sharon Loves Books and Cats" (and Torture!) fame. I probably never would have discovered this wicked plot, but a brave anonymous do-gooder calling herself Ms. X has exposed Sharon's treacherous hit list and published it on the internet!

If you think you are safe ... you may not be. Future installments are expected.

Apparently my punishment is to be doused with pig's blood at the YA author reading next week. *gasp*

THE HORROR!


Omg as if reading in front of strangers isn't scary enough??

Want to see whether I'll meet my doom? Here are the event details. I'll remind you again next week, since I'm shameless like that.

May 13 -- Teen Author Reading Night
(6-7:30pm, Jefferson Market Branch of NYPL, 425 6th Ave, at 10th St.)

Nick Burd, The Vast Fields of Ordinary

Cecil Castellucci, Geektastic

Susane Colasanti, Waiting for You

Sarah Cross, Dull Boy

Jenny Han, The Summer I Turned Pretty

Emma McLaughlin and Nicola Kraus, The Real Real

Kieran Scott, Geek Magnet

Hope to see you there!! One of you will save me from Sharon, right?

Right??

... anyone?

... and artist David Finch wins at life.

Check out his tribute to 80s cartoons, featuring Strawberry Shortcake, My Little Pony, and a Ninja Turtle who has definitely seen better days ... all done Frank Frazetta style. The painting was done for an art show called "Gag Me with a Toon 2," which was held at Meltdown Comics on May 2.