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Steven Seagal, LAWMAN

Apparently Steven Seagal is not just a professional badass--he's also a Deputy Sheriff. And he has a new reality show starting December 2nd on A&E, called STEVEN SEAGAL, LAWMAN.

From what I can tell, it's kind of like COPS, starring Seagal.

(Thanks to caer_swan for bringing this to my attention. ♥)

Yes, Virginia, Xmas is coming early this year. Santa is bringing you a stocking full of kick-ass.

I became a Seagal fan kind of late. When I was a kid, for some reason I felt like you either had to be a Seagal fan or a Van Damme fan, like a Mac vs. PC or Marvel vs. DC kind of deal for action heroes, and I was firmly in the Van Damme camp. But I have made up for those lost years with enthusiasm.

Who but Seagal could deliver the line "Whose hotdog is this?" with such badassity & panache, making it an instant quotable classic?? (In the bar scene in Out for Justice, Seagal is messing around behind the bar, pissing off the patrons, and, totally randomly, picks up a hotdog and tosses it into some guy's beer, saying, "Whose hotdog is this?" It's awesome. You can check it out in this clip at around the 2:24 minute mark; just know that the clip is chock-full of BAD LANGUAGE. That warning's for you, kids.)
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Debs Holidaze Signing @ Books of Wonder

Hulk Xmas
Ho ho ho!

As the holidays approach, it's time to make an important decision: Do your loved ones deserve coal this year, or some amazing signed books? If you're leaning toward books, you should totally come to the Debs Holidaze signing!

I'll be signing books with 7 other debut authors from the debut2009 community at Books of Wonder, Sunday, December 6th from 1-3pm.

We're doing holiday giveaways, Q&A, signing books, the whole shebang. I'll be wearing a Santa hat & handing out candy canes & Hello Kitty stickers like there's no tomorrow.

We've got a great, varied line-up, ranging from middle grade to YA, everything from heart-wrenching realism to gothic fantasy, so please stop by!

Megan Crewe (Give up the Ghost)
Sarah Cross (Dull Boy)
Deva Fagan (Fortune's Folly)
Neesha Meminger (Shine, Coconut Moon)
Kate Messner (The Brilliant Fall of Gianna Z)
Shani Petroff (Bedeviled)
Jon Skovron (Struts and Frets)
Michelle Zink (Prophecy of the Sisters)

If you can't make it, but would like a signed book anyway, you can pre-order one from Books of Wonder.

There's also a facebook page, so if you're not made of facebook fail (like I am), check out the invitation there.

NOTE! If you're nowhere near NYC, and you want to go to a Debs Holidaze signing, the Debs are also signing in Chicago, the San Francisco Bay Area, and Toronto. Click here for more info.

What better gift for the holidays than a signed book? (I mean, assuming you can't afford a Bentley. Because if you can, definitely get your friends one of those.)

Holidaze with the Debs!
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When Animal Puppets Attack ... They Go for the Jugular

When it comes to quality entertainment, very little compares to a crappy looking animal puppet who lusts for human blood.

Thus I bring you my "Top 3 Murderous Animal Puppets Of All Time."

1. The Vulture in Conan the Barbarian

You have Conan, nailed to the Tree of Woe, starving and bleeding and half-dead. A hungry vulture lands on Conan's shoulder and starts pecking at the blood on his chest, presumably as an appetizer before he devours Conan's corpse. Will this be the end of Conan?

No. That is not how Conan rolls. Conan wakes up, takes stock of the situation ...

... and rips out the vulture's throat. WITH HIS TEETH. This moment is made even better by the fact that the vulture is a sh*tty looking puppet.

Conan takes a bite out of crime ... I mean vulture

Conan chomps on vulture, comics style

So the vulture ultimately loses. But his awesome is elevated by the brutal way he goes out. Bonus: It's followed by this insanity:

2. The Raccoon in Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle

This raccoon is a ninja. He sneaks into the car, hangs out in the back seat for while, and then, out of nowhere, flings himself at Harold and goes for the throat. His bloodlust is matched by his demented stuffed animal appearance.

3. The Rabbit in Monty Python and the Holy Grail

This bunny looks cute from a distance--but when he flies through the air and starts shredding jugulars, the knights learn not to underestimate him. This cuddly white rabbit racks up a higher body count than Liam Neeson does in Taken. I'd like to see him take on some "vegetarian" vampires.

What about you? Any favorite murderous animal puppets? I don't actually expect anyone to answer that. Unless I have an evil twin lurking out there ...
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Legend of Zelda ... with lyrics

*checks pulse*

Huh, what do you know, I am alive?

*blows dust off LJ*

Once you take a break from blogging, it can be hard to get back into it. You end up waiting until you have something EPIC to post about. And how often does that come along?

Fortunately I stumbled across the catchiest video game music vid since The Guild's "Do You Wanna Date My Avatar?" ... and felt compelled to share it with you.

What if the Legend of Zelda theme had lyrics? And was sung by a fake old man (complete with a fake beard that blows in the wind) in a quasi rock opera style?* Very few things are more epic than that.

Note: If you are old enough to have played the original Legend of Zelda, you probably don't need this warning, but there is some strong language in this video. Don't play it in front of your parents, unless they are fine with the MF word and/or are too technologically inept to email me. Also, near the end, there is a still photo of two giraffes about to get it on. Excelsior.

I could do without the "hey Link, you just might get laid" message, but that's because I prefer the "Excuuuuuse me, princess" version of the Link/Zelda relationship. (Wow, how annoying was that clip?)

And! If you liked Zelda with Lyrics, you MUST WATCH Brentalfloss's Megaman 3 with lyrics.** It is awesome. It includes such fine & insightful commentary as:

As for robot help
Dogs are much preferred
'Cause I can't do sh*t
With a robot bird

Rock on, Megaman. ♥

*When I was a kid I bought a sort-of-realistic bearded-old-man Halloween mask, for use in videos in the pre-YouTube age. It was one of my most prized possessions. (No, rly.) So this kind of ridiculousness speaks to my soul.
**Same language warning applies.
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What are you doing Saturday?

If you were beginning to believe I was an imaginary creature (what with all the non-blogging & disappearing), here is your chance to prove that theory wrong, get a book signed, and meet 8 other illustrious YA/MG writers.

I'll have shiny Dull Boy bookmarks on hand. They're one hundred times more attractive & durable than that coffee-stained receipt you've been using. Reason enough to stop by? I think so.

Now here's the event you've been waiting for! Nine authors will be at Books of Wonder in New York City on Saturday, July 25th, from 2pm to 4pm. Stop by and buy a book or nine and say hello!


Participating Authors:

Lauren Barnholdt, author of Two-Way Street, The Secret Identity of Devon Delaney, Four Truths and Lie, and others
Sarah Cross, author of Dull Boy
Erin Dionne, author of Models Don't Eat Chocolate Cookies
Heather Duffy-Stone, author of This is What I Want to Tell you
Mandy Hubbard, author of Prada and Prejudice
Julie Linker, author of Crowned, Disenchanted Princess
Sarah MacLean, author of The Season
Mari Mancusi, author of Boys that Bite, Girls that Growl, Stake That!, Gamer Girl and others
Michelle Zink, author of Prophecy of the Sisters

Thanks to mandyhubbard for the promo code. :)

Hope to see you there!
batman - confetti

Prizes for you

I should have put up a Mineshaft Warning a while ago. I have descended into the hermit cave of doom because all I am doing is writing, and watching occasional action movies while Tolstoy and J.D. grumble about Seagal's ill-fitting jacket. I will return with some actual content later this month. And if you wrote me a lovely email about Dull Boy and haven't heard back yet, trust that I am treasuring it and will indeed reply once I escape from this pesky mine shaft.

Speaking of escape ...

I come not only with excuses, but with prizes! Win seven spectacular YA books in the Escape with the 7 giveaway!

Escape with 7 Prize packs

Go to: http://www.escapewith7.com/freebooks.html and tell us which set you want to win: books with US covers, or UK covers (where available). The UK covers are on the bottom half of the graphic, in case you weren't sure.

The books in each prize pack are: Shadowed Summer by Saundra Mitchell, The Season by Sarah MacLean, The Forest of Hands and Teeth by Carrie Ryan, Faery Rebels: Spell Hunter (Knife in the UK) by R.J. Anderson, Wings by Aprilynne Pike, Dull Boy by Sarah Cross, and The Demon's Lexicon by Sarah Rees Brennan.

Contest is open from July 1st, 2009 - July 7, 2009. Prizes will be awarded July 8th, 2009. Go enter!
werewolf vs. tiger - it's on

Portrait of the Wolf as a Young Badass

While visiting the Metropolitan Museum of Art recently, I came upon what is quite possibly the most badass wolf ever, in "Wolf and Fox Hunt" by Peter Paul Rubens and Workshop, circa 1615-21. I stood and stared at it, awestruck by the wolf's audacity and pwnage.

You won't get the full effect from a jpeg; the actual painting is enormous. So pretend that this wolf is towering over you--and is 1000 times more awesome than this screen can convey.

Wolf and Fox Hunt

THIS WOLF IS MY HERO! Don't even try to hunt him; he will bite your spear, and he will do so like a boss!

Read more about the painting here.

Oh, and in case you weren't sure which wolf was the awesome one, I have subtly highlighted him:

Extremely awesome wolf

Thanks, Photobucket. Your gratuitous glitter text makes everything more eloquent. Don't stare at that pic too long, tho. It appears to be pulsating ... O.o
teen titans - wonder girl dreamy

Alice in Wonderland Mix

This is odd ... but strangely compelling & hypnotic. "Alice" is a song by an artist named Pogo. In his words, it's "an electronic piece of which 90% is composed using sounds recorded from the Disney film 'Alice In Wonderland'."

Interesting, right? Take a look:

wolverine - bring it

Extreme Badasses of the 21st Century

It's hard to find a good badass these days. Zac Efron, Ed Westwick, and that dude who plays Captain Kirk in the new Star Trek movie all serve a purpose, but sometimes you're looking for a hero who kicks ass & takes names, shoots first and asks questions later, and loves his arsenal more than his hair gel.

Let me introduce you to a few of my favorites:

Jason Statham
EXHIBIT A: Jason Statham, who can deal more damage with a fire hose than most ninjas could manage with a pair of spiked nunchakus. Observe:

Next up:

Batman choking a b**** ... er, I mean, a Joker
EXHIBIT B: Batman, aka Bruce Wayne, aka not afraid to choke a b*tch. Or a Joker. Or whoever. He'll knock you out with a Die Hard battery, punch a dog if he has to, and open a can of whoop ass on an 80 year old man--all in the name of justice.

Last but not least (and the real purpose of this post):

The Demon's Lexicon by Sarah Rees Brennan
EXHIBIT C: Nick Ryves from Sarah Rees Brennan's THE DEMON'S LEXICON! Nick slays demons and evil magicians, fixes the sink when it breaks, looks out for his brother, and is just the right blend of ill-tempered and hot. ;)

Here's a description:

Nick and his brother, Alan, have spent their lives on the run from magic. Their father was murdered, and their mother was driven mad by magicians and the demons who give them power. The magicians are hunting the Ryves family for a charm that Nick's mother stole -- a charm that keeps her alive -- and they want it badly enough to kill again.

Danger draws even closer when a brother and sister come to the Ryves family for help. The boy wears a demon's mark, a sign of death that almost nothing can erase...and when Alan also gets marked by a demon, Nick is desperate to save him. The only way to do that is to kill one of the magicians they have been hiding from for so long.

Ensnared in a deadly game of cat and mouse, Nick starts to suspect that his brother is telling him lie after lie about their past. As the magicians' Circle closes in on their family, Nick uncovers the secret that could destroy them all.
I got to read an advance copy, and I've been counting down the days till you guys could read it too. THE DEMON'S LEXICON is funny, sexy, mysterious, and filled with amazing characters you won't forget. Sarah Rees Brennan (sarahtales) is a fabulous writer, and I bet that if you give DL a shot, she'll soon be on your list of favorite authors ever.

Bottom Line: Sell your underwear on ebay, peddle your plasma, or burgle your little sister's piggy bank, but buy this book! You won't regret it. It's 210% awesome, and it's AVAILABLE NOW!